The In Between

What do you can it when you're stuck between depressed and empowered?
When you can see your goals but they're so many obstacles in the way? When you see how little it takes to get started but feel like you have nothing?
When the help is right there but so far away?

The in between is not a fun place to be, at least not in the beginning.
You see the long journey ahead full of obstacles, potholes, and even unpaved places. 
The journey seems that it'll be a long car ride, then you remember you don't even have a bike. 
So what do you do?
Start walking.

Whether it's good walking shoes or whatever you can find, start the journey. 
You may find along they way that it wasn't so long at all. 
You may find that it was longer than expected but you'll never know if you don't take that first step. 

That first step that says "I'm walking by faith and not by sight";
That first step that says "I'll get it out the mud";
The first step that says you understand  that a handout is not coming so you'll get it "the Hardaway".

That first step may lead to helping hands, challenges, physical and mental demands,  investments and losses but that first step is one step closer to the goal.

So, when your legs are feeling heavy and you think the load is just too much to bare, sit down for a minute.
Evaluate what to leave and what to take. And after you've gotten a little rest and caught your breath, take the next step.

Not everyone will go,  not everyone will cheer, not everyone will understand or help. It's your journey, not theirs. Embrace it. Remember the good times and the bad so when you come across the next person in the in between you can encourage them to keep stepping. 

There may just be a bike, bus, or car waiting right up the road. He does provide for His purposes. Just keep stepping. Walk in his will.

Rejection

**I wrote this out by hand last night because I had to get it out before I could go to sleep.  Feedback welcome.

I sit here sleepy.  You'd think that since I just got in the bed I'd be getting my beauty rest so I can tackle the next work day.  However, this isn't the case just yet. 

Something came to mind and I just had to get it out.  DON'T LET YOUR REJECTION DISCOURAGE YOU.  See, rejection may just be a form of protection.  It could be a sign you're headed in the right direction or even that you need redirection.  Whatever the case may be, don't let it get you down.

The past year has been a real struggle for me financially.  Even with two raises, ends just seemed to barely meet.  Now of course there are some things I could've given up but I refuse to just work, pay bills and die.  I must live.  Sometimes that means shifting some things around for the sake of my sanity.  In the course of going through financial challenges, I've found that I need to leave my comfort zone.  I have to tap into my skill sets and my creativity.  Most importantly, I have to reach deep down inside and strike a match to light the pilot to my passion.

I know you probably think I'm just rambling - and I can do that at times - but I said all this for a reason.  While looking for ways to supplement my income, I spent time on a site reviewing listings for freelance writing jobs.  I created the profile and I got rejected.  If I was really banking on that, my feelings would've been hurt but I realize I was there for the lesson.  There were so many postings for blog writers, articles, ghostwriters.  Many of these jobs paid as low as $5.  For a person to get paid as low as $5 is insulting when you think of the time, talent, and energy put into these jobs.  And let's not forget the fact that most people who take on these jobs will get no recognition for their work. 

The whole time I was reading, I kept thinking about this blog.  After I read through the posts while waiting on my profile determination, I went to Blogger to reconnect with The Blog in My Spirit.  As you can see, there are only a few posts here and the site is years old.  I needed that rejection.  It was my redirection to go back to where my heart truly is and write about things that mean something to me.  That rejection was my gentle correction.  How many times have we heard someone ask why we insist on working for others when we can work for ourselves?  The rejection was a projection.  It helped shine light on an area of my life I had hidden, forgotten.  Even with motivating moments from seeing my peers step off the boat, I never came back to the site.  Tonight was my night for that spark to reignite.  This time I can't let the flame go out.  Whether I get paid or just have an outlet to express myself and try to help others, I'm here for it.  I even found a draft of a series I started and didn't see through.  This rejection is about to morph into a collection - of blog posts that is. I'm excited in my spirit and I can't let that die.  My rejection lead me here.  Where will your rejection lead you?  Wherever it is, just let it be great.

1/25/2018 11:45PM

I Long

I long for the one I can share my vulnerabilities with.
Who can I trust with the very essence of me?
Who can I turn to that'll love me for me?
Where is that man who will hold me, share my dreams, help mold me?
Where is the guy that can pray me through, the one that'll already be in love with Jesus before asking me for an I do?
I'm ready for the one that'll be there in sickness and health, for good days and bad days, and the journey to wealth.
Where is my guy - my Boaz, my king?
I want the life of togetherness, not just the ring.
Where is he? There's so much I want to share with him, so much for us to do.
I've got my eyes wide open, I'm looking for the spark, the glisten in his eyes, the smile that'll make my heart melt, the words and actions that make me feel secure. I'm looking for that golden opportunity but I realize patience is key.
When he comes, I'll know he's the one for me and together we can be free.

 -Whitney Sade' French
   09/17/2015

Let Your Tithes Be Your Testimony

On January 25, 2012, I was fired from my first job in social work.  Although I went through many financial trials, being released from that job was a blessing.  I no longer had to worry about planning my day around my job from wake to sleep, long hours of travel, and being on call 24 hours amongst other things.  It took awhile for me to get hired for any position but toward the end of March 2012, I was hired as a PRN mental health tech making a fraction of what I made working for the previous employer. At times, it seemed like this job paid me just enough to buy gas to get to work and food - not much else.  The time I spent unemployed and underemployed gave me time to myself.  I went through days of boredom, defeat, and just plain depression.  I also was able to get down low enough to look up at God. My thirst for the Word was greater than ever and at this point, I had time to study the bible.  In July 2012, I started attending a new church as a visitor.  I was drawn to the church and it seemed to give me just what I needed spiritually.

Having grown up in the church, I knew the entire situation shouldn't have rocked me because my  faith should have been at a level where I just trusted God and kept on moving.  Many days this wasn't the case though.  I suffered with a wavering faith that eventually grew stronger. I was more the Word, excited about church and I could actually see growth in myself.   I even spend a lot of time watching the archives of lifechurch.tv which really a Godsend.  After the watch meeting was over and 2013 had rolled around, I officially moved my membership to that church.

I know you're probably wondering by now what tithes has to do with anything I've said so far. Here's how it ties in:  When I was working the decent paying job, I payed tithes - inconsistently and after taxes.  When I started working PRN,  I was grateful to have a job again so I paid tithes BUT "when I could".  I eventually made up in my mind that paying my tithes was going to have to become a habit - not an option or an afterthought.  I did pretty well, eventually moving from sometimes to most of the time and from tithing on post tax income to tithing on pretax income (I don't want God to take taxes out of my blessings).  I was of the mindset that if no one else got paid, my tithes would get paid.  As I paid my tithes more consistently at the church I was a member of at the time, I was also visiting my current church more frequently.  It was amazing how every time I wrote out my tithes envelop at my membership church, I would think about how much more useful the money would be at the church I had started attending.  I knew in my heart that it was time for me to move my membership and my money.  I knew that my money needed to be contributed to the household of faith where I was being fed.  I've done well with tithing this year, even really making my tithes first - making sure to set my tithe money aside before spending money on anything else.  I've done well, actually up until the last month and a half and I think I've gone through a financial faith crisis.  A trying course of events took place in my life requiring me to have to travel and spend money that I really didn't have.  I would look at my check from my full time job as a ward clerk (same employer and pay rate of the PRN position) and think, "I'll have to pay my tithes the next time.  This isn't going to be enough to take care of everything".  All the while, God has continually been blessing me. I guess he's been releasing those stored up blessings when I most needed them. Even though my faith was there for healing of my family member, provision, and other things in the spiritual, I got back to the point where I didn't trust God with "my money".  That's so crazy because people were calling me to give me money so I would have gas and even when I would be at my last, something would come in the mail or I would run out just as payday made it.  God proved himself over and over but I still wasn't doing my part.  He is so amazingly good that he blessed me to be moved to a position in the field I actually went to college for with better conditions and pay than the job that fired me.  Just as my patience was running out and I thought I was sitting still too long, He moved for me.  I found myself wanting to tell one of my spiritual leaders about my upcoming transfer with the boost of favor that was given to me but I was quieted.  It overcame me that I need to let my tithes be my testimony.

You may be wondering what I mean by calling tithes a testimony.  Well, we often tell people how good God is.  We brag on our blessings or as many say "boast in Jesus" but when it comes down giving back to God what He gives to us, we can't brag.  Letting my tithes become my financial testimony is a personal commitment.  It says, God gave me this job and I'm giving back to Him what He requires of me.  It says that when I was once only able to pay this much, God increased my income so now I pay this much.  It says that no matter how rough I think times are, I have to stay committed to doing what is required of me.  This experience and this blog should be my reminder that the next time I consider not paying my tithes, I should re-evaluate my thinking because God has always done for me even when I didn't deserve it so I must always give Him HIS DUE.

Is There a Plank In Your Eye?

Just a few days ago, I decided to use the audio feature on my bible app because my eyes had gotten heavy and I wanted to finish the last few chapters of Ezekiel. To my surprise, the feature made reading along so much easier. I started out about to fall asleep. I ended up starting on the book of Matthew and I've been reading along or just simply listening to the audio feature ever since.
I fell asleep last night and the audio feature just kept playing so I didn't stop it. As I was getting dressed for work, I listened to the bible. And there it was, I was preaching to myself! Matthew 7: 1-5 really got my attention. 1 “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. The words of Jesus are pretty clear. We can't judge issues of others when we are not dealing with our own. I started thinking about various scenarios in which this verse could be used. I'm sure you may be already thinking of some yourself or once you read these you'll be able to add to the list. 

• How can you tell me that my drinking is out of control when every time I pour up you pour up?
• Did you really just tell me I need to get in the gym and lose weight? Don't you weigh just as much as I do (or more)? When was the last time you were in the gym? 
• Go to church? You complain about your church constantly. How can you expect me to be excited about going somewhere you don't even like to go?
• Did you just tell me I need to spend more time studying than having fun when you are always rushing to get your homework done right before class starts?
• Every time I talk to you and your children are around, you're hollering at them and threatening to beat them, but you want me to be gentle with my kids.
• You call me a weed head but you bought the cigars when it was time to roll up. 
• How can you sit here and call me judgmental? You talk about people more than I do. 
• There is no relationship advice I could possibly take from you. You can't possibly be doing any of the things you're advising me to you because your relationship is in shambles.
• You can't judge me for going out to the club. You spend all your time at the casino!

All of these scenarios came to me to say this: If you feel like you need to go talk to someone about something you feel like they're doing wrong or you're concerned for their well-being, imagine that person's possible reactions when you try to remove their "sawdust". If you've got a "plank", you need to start working on you first. Your "plank" may just be the reason for their "sawdust" in the first place. 

The song "Sweep Around" by The Williams Brothers comes to mind. I hope you've enjoyed. Let's be careful to look for "planks" before we point out "sawdust"!